Well. I guess that wasn't in God's cards, not a part of His plan, because Thursday is that day and I just don't see anything happening.
It's frustrating, sometimes — no, all the time — to look around and see steady relationships. I want that. I want to meet the man I'm going to marry right here, right now, at the University of Illinois.
In October 2011, I wrote this post, and my dating checklist remains very much the same: I imagine the guy I end up with to be:
-cute (think Mark Ruffalo in 13 Going on 30)
-able to make me laugh
-crazy in love with Christ
-someone who could possibly love me someday, too
This is the ultimate opportunity for me to trust in God's promises, His perfection, His knowledge. My God already knows who I'll end up with. But this singleness scares me. It really, truly scares me.
I'm not the only one. I can say that much.
Last week, Samantha wrote an exceptionally vulnerable blog post about the moments after she left a wedding, wondering when she would find someone.
"I pulled out of the parking lot wiping away the tears and finally said out loud, 'I trust You, Lord.' With everything that is within me, I know that it is worth the wait. I know that this is truth, but the waiting is still hard. As I was driving I was reminded of this song - 'I Breathe You in God' by Bryan and Katie Torwalt - and immediately pulled it up. I turned it up loud and sang to the ultimate Lover of my soul. The more I sang my gaze was turned back toward Him."
I'm singing that same song now, that song of praise and that song of surrender.
I trust You, too, Lord.
6 comments:
Ugh, it scares me too. I can trust Him one minute and then the next I'm terrified I'll never find anyone. I don't know why I can easily trust Him with other things, but not this. I have no advice, but at least I can tell you you're definitely not alone.
Oh goodness girl. We're in this waiting season together...and we will choose JOY. And we will choose to pursue Christ and place our trust in Him.
One day we will look back at these posts and smile because of how faithful He is.
I SO hear you...& really needed to read this post as I'll be spending V-Day tomorrow "on my own". But not really alone...just, without a guy.
But I'll be striving to sing, even when I don't feel like it at first, how He loves us.
oh, girl. you know i know this pain well! but i echo Samantha's comment. we will trust even in our fear. and we will wait on His perfect timing with joy.
love love love this post.
I feel the same way sometimes, I just wish I had someone, like now!
Then I remember that I'm not really ready, and God knows that, and I have faith that I will find him, some day, just not today.
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